check your heart

alright, y’all… here’s another #justincaseyouthoughtihadittogether👈🏼 for the archives 🤣 soo, matt let me sleep in saturday morning until 10!🙌🏼☀️ which was awesome. it’s part of this new schedule we’re trying out — and i’m not sure if we’re the only ones who do this haha, but geez, figuring out ways to make sure that we both get the rest we need (and deserve) is HARD, y’all. almost 6 1/2 years of marriage in... and we STILL ride the struggle bus when it comes to the give/take, selfless part of it haha!

i was chatting with my friend/pastor’s wife (who i really respect) the other night at dinner and she made some offhand remark about how if her husband doesn’t get up early to work out, he just works out while she gets the kids ready for school — now granted, her kids are a lot older than mine, but still! i heard that and legit stared at her like she had 6 heads. umm, what?? you mean you don’t lose your 💩 about him working out while you help the kids? truly... i was mind-blown bahaha. it honestly bothered me enough that i called her the next day and said, “girl, you GOTTA help me out here — matt is more helpful than 80% of the husbands i hear about (seriously, he is!) but i just get SO MAD if he’s last out of bed or does something else while i’m alone wrangling the kids. does that seriously not bug you??! TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.”

we talked for awhile and it kinda boiled down to this: she looks at it like, during the week, he provides for the family and that’s his job, while staying home, taking care of the kids, that’s her “job”. obviously, he’s still super involved and helps a TON and it wasn’t a reference to 1950s spouse roles at all — but it was more about her OWNING her “job” and doing it with JOY, instead of constantly feeling resentful.

YALL. my head exploded😂 i felt soo much conviction in that moment — that, man, i’ve been BLOWING it lately! my husband is SO helpful, always. with breakfast and getting kids dressed and all that because he really does want to! BUT for whatever reason, it still wasn’t enough for me. my expectations were sky high and pretty unfair, honestly, and it had left me so, so bitter. i started out every single morning frustrated — irritated that i was up with the kids while he was still sleeping, angrily making breakfast and banging plates around. then he was irritated with ME for being irritated. and the cycle would continue haha. it was truly ridiculous 😆 and it made our mornings so so miserable!! i’m not joking when I say that it’s been months and months of this cycle!

but that one convo changed it all for me. seriously. it’s like the holy spirit illuminated that specific truth to my heart — and it completely changed, instantly. i could literally feel the resentment and bitterness melt away. like dang, this IS my job and it’s beautiful and it’s what i want, it’s what i’ve always wanted!! to be home and care for my babies — this is my dream job!!! so gahdang, let me do it with joy!!

i called matt and cried to him, apologizing for my selfishness (super fun😂 #ihatesayingsorry) and we, together, came up with some changes we wanted to make. mine were getting up with the kids after 7am (he does all nighttime wake-ups and has for the last 2 years) and letting him sleep in as long as he needs M-F, since he’s usually up super late working and needs it. his included letting me sleep in on saturdays until 10 and having a night off every week to go grab dinner with a friend. little pockets of time to ourselves, to recharge.

and you know what? i was genuinely happy to get up with the kids and let matt sleep this week. when he came out of our room 30 minutes later, i felt nothing but peace towards him. one attitude shift changed the entire dynamic of our mornings. i was actually glad he got extra rest! and seriously — that is ONLY JESUS, y’all 😂😂😂

all that to say... I know there are other areas that I need to change. and i’m sure someone out there reading this does, too. so can I just encourage you this morning to examine your hearts? is there an area that you’re so angry and frustrated about that maybe, just MAYBE, has more to do with your own expectations or issues than anything else??😬 its a hard one y’all... i mean, two weeks ago, i would’ve argued till i was blue in the face about how wrong MATT was in everything about our mornings. but then gosh, that Holy Spirit conviction came and illuminated the TRUTH of the situation to me... and OWWW, FREAKIN FRICK, it hurt. but ya know what? it actually set me free. y’all, i didn’t want to make that phone call. i didn’t want to ask my friend why she was a better wife than me 😂😂😂 but that’s how we GROW. we have to grow! we have to be willing to ask someone to speak into our lives. to course-correct. we have to have soft hearts. to CONSIDER our sin, our role in conflict. as hard and painful as it is. because lemme tell you... it’s painful! haha!! but damn... it’s worth it. the freedom is worth it. pinky swear, friends.